i might need that back

I donated blood and, as it turns out, 7 minutes (for a pint?) kind of makes me a rock star. It was nice to get in and out, but, driving away, I started wondering... does this mean I could bleed out in record time? Please donate so that, if pumas or rabid hedgehogs attack, my life might be saved.

9:18 AM

nice, with a bitter aftertaste

Google has pushed back the cut-off date and will support ftp publishing until 5/1/10. Thanks, because I was going to be down for a while.

I mean, what would my reader have done?

5:03 PM

micromarketing

For the active Nazi.

10:55 AM

decisions

Yet another year goes by in which absorbing my twin has not paid off.

11:38 AM

it can't be x-mas soon enough

2:18 PM

movie americans never learn from the past

It's a very busy workday. I just watched Avatar and have only one thing to say; Americans are hypocrites. It's a horrendous crime when a more advanced species comes to our planet with one goal: getting us out of the way, so that they may drain our resources. When we do it to others, they're blue monkeys who don't understand.

Somewhere in Studio City, Bill Pullman is rolling over on his futon.

12:52 PM

don't judge

I can't get my head around which is worse: me not leaving the house tonight because I have a pimple, having a pimple or admitting I watched The Real Housewives of Orange County.

I also ate a vegan "sausage."

P.S. Yes, I am ashamed.

P.P.S. I won't tell you which bothers me more...

11:41 PM

return to the natural order

I bought some food at Centinela and they threw in a free toy. All of the toys I've ever purchased for The Kitten have kept him entertained for exactly .25 seconds. The monkey, my most successful purchase to date, was only his favorite after it fell apart. Once the "monkey paws" were divorced from the torso, it was the best toy ever. My neighbor actually asked, "Why are you always asking where the monkey paw is?" (I need to remember to close my doors so that I don't sound like a crazy person and I'm working on that.) The problem is that monkey paws, in general, are small and easy to lose. I'm sure that when they're cleaning out my place, in the event of my unplanned death, they will wonder what I was doing with monkey paws hidden in the strangest of places.

The Kitten carries his new favorite toy around in his mouth as if it's a dead mouse. He flings it up in the air, jumps over it, bats it to the ground, throws it out of the room and then becomes disgruntled that the sheep has THE NERVE to try to get away. This morning, I awoke to him violently shaking the sheep, sandwiched between his teeth, stuffing starting to ooze from its back, but still with a smile on its face.



Let me just say that I was very dedicated to the idea of a sheep picture; so much so that it took me ten minutes to get it done. (Don't be sad for me. I'm OK, I promise.) Every time I would set the sheep down on the floor, it would be swooped away by a blurry cat shadow before I could finish:



After many attempts and one idea to lock one kitten in one washroom (even if that didn't happen because of human laziness), I was able to get a clean shot. And before I could even stand up? The sheep was back in the hands of its evil master.


face cropped to save him from internet embarrassment

2:34 PM

valentine's day gift ideas

If you're trying to convey how much you enjoy their sexiness:




Or, if you're shopping for the person who has everything:

1:49 PM

dnr? what do you mean, dnr?

Yeah, I guess they're expensive, because all of the trees that snapped like twigs are being propped up like dummies.

7:05 PM

i have no excuse for this

Imagine, instead of a slope, this is my house and, instead of poles, they are my plants. Substitute skis with anything made of paper and your vision is complete.

11:27 AM

what a pain in the ass

Blogger decided to stop supporting FTP publishing, which means I have to spend time figuring out what I'm going to do next. I don't want to spend any time on this, so we'll see how it goes. I do have until March (or February?), so I should be able to squeeze in two entries before then.

5:16 PM

fluffy 2-d bunny sticker on the atm

Do you know what this says to me?



It's OK- I'm Asian!

I mean, which is more Asian? Placing the sticker or taking a picture of the sticker?

Yay!

6:20 PM

social networking sites

I'm not a big fan, because I can't say what I really want without worrying that I'll offend someone I really know. Like, know in person. As in, they can come and actually slap me across the cheek or speak to me in a sharp tone while squinting and shaking their head out of pure disgust.

I get enough of that already.

So, Hardly-Facebook and Not-Really-Twitter... regarding my relationship status? I'm in a relationship with God (insert link to God's facebook page here). No, just kidding. I'm single.

Ho, hum.

12:18 PM

i get it

But don't you think any town in the northeast would cover weather, using such terms as "epic," if it were 80° on January 5th with 5'-7' swells and a light offshore breeze?

And? AND? Driving to work, I see the same woman every morning. Sometimes I see her walking up the hill and sometimes I see her at the top of the hill, but I see her everyday. She likes to wear a big, floppy hat and black sunglasses that make it seem as if she just had a cataract removed. Her tiny sweatsuit outfits swim around her tinier body and she appears to have enjoyed 90 some years of sun-filled activities. I realized, a few weeks ago, that I hadn't seen her in months. Like maybe six months. Why would a 90-something-year-old woman hide out for six months?

1. Broken hip

2. Broken Leg

3. Stroke

4. Dementia

5. Death

Today, in the freezing rain, I saw her walking up the hill. I'm glad she's not dead, even if she might be suffering from #4; walking in the pouring rain, winds howling, no umbrella and wearing a baby blue track suit. But she's alive. (!)

P.S. Everyday there are more and more trees that appear to be ever so tired of this life. It feels like a tree cemetery up in here (up in here).

2:35 PM

pacific storm

Crazy, driving, sideways rain, accompanied by 45-95 mph winds ✓

(Side note: the storms last for 2-4 hours and then the sun comes out, like, "What? What are you talking about? Rain?")

Tornados spotted in SB, HB and NB ✓

Bad hair ✓

Flooded streets (as well as my garage) ✓

Mudslides and downed trees ✓

New channels reporting that the storm we should get in about an hour is going to be worse than anything we've seen in the last two days ✓

Taking this site to a new low by only talking about weather and cats ✓

11:55 AM

but what was she wearing?

5:29 PM

earthquake virgin

The Kitten experienced his first two earthquakes this week. The Cat could see them coming and would let you know they were on the way, but they blindside Al-Ḥalīm Netanyahu. He ran under the bed for his first and jumped on my face around 4am to let me know about the second. I wouldn't have minded so much, had his wonky thumb nail not taken out my eyeball. I'll be hiding out in the house today so that I don't have to explain my swollen eye and how it only means that he really loves me and that it was probably my fault, anyhow.

11:24 AM

racist

Why doesn't my oven want to cooperate when I try to cook, but always works well if a white man comes over and uses it?

1:40 PM

just now able to talk about it without breaking down

Get out!

AS OF JANUARY 1ST AT 11:59AM, THIS EVENT IS SOLD OUT!

This event is completely sold out and the race office is not accepting any further entries. Please register for another event ASAP!

I was on top of my game, checking to see when the mud run registration would go live. I sent a text to my running partner on New Year's Eve Day, the first day it opened, and reminded him to register. (I make it a policy not to register and then remind others- that ends up with me running by myself because they missed the deadline or the race sold out. Aaaand back to the story.) We talked about this a week or so prior, knowing the race usually sells out in two weeks. Due to my RP's COMPLETE lack of attention to his cell phone, WE MISSED OUT ON THE MUD RUN! All three days sold out on January 1st. Seriously? It was only active FOR ONE DAY.

I decided to call RP's home phone, as he's the only person on the planet you're more likely to reach on that line than on his cell. He thought I was joking, but the shrieking and veiled death threats were honest and true. We ended up registering for the step-child of the mud run, the YMCA mud run. It's usually held in October and, other than that, I don't know what the difference is supposed to be. It's the same course, only your money is going to Christian soldiers? It's in June, so it shouldn't be cold, although the mud might be kind of rank after 12,000 people have trudged through it while leaving behind traces of their molecular ancestry.

Ugh. I still can't believe I missed it.

5:13 PM

noticeable changes in 2010

I consistently pick products with the verbiage "renewing," "age defying" or "rejuvenating" when purchasing any type of lotion, facial gobbledygook, toothpaste or deodorant.

3:52 PM

i'm not a movie theater lover

I finally saw Revolutionary Road last night and I can't get the image of Kate Winslet's Frodo feet out of my head.

I'm really trying, but they're still there... big as ever.

Yep. Still there.

11:27 AM

when does this kitten phase end?

At least with a kitten you have only about a year before she gets big and just wants to sit staring at you like you’re a dumb ass. Not like a kid who spends the first two years peeing or puking on things, then about 8 years breaking stuff or writing on it, then spends the next 15 years sitting around staring at you like you’re a dumb ass. [Oldest Daughter] is already in that period. It's funny- she does really well at school and everyone loves her. I mean, I got an email from her band teacher who nominated her for student of the month once, a phone call from her social studies teacher just to tell me how wonderful she is and a handwritten note from principal of the school thanking me for “letting her come to [Middle School].” Seriously, I didn’t think teachers had time for that. But at home she tends to get an attitude. It's funny how that works. Sometimes I wonder, is it me that has the bad attitude? I mean, after all, everyone else thinks she’s perfect! Weird.

Maybe you have a special needs kitty. Oh and I guess you did say your kitty is a boy, so maybe that is the problem. [Youngest/Son] is a lot more destructive than either of the girls and he just instinctively hones in on things I don’t want him to touch. I don’t imagine I will be getting the same type of correspondence from the junior high when he is attending. Maybe something more like “have you considered any of the other fine schools that maybe you would prefer your son to attend?” and things like that.

2:18 PM

third sunday of advent + 3

9:01 AM

twinkle

I put up lights this year. I got those teeny little white lights and some teeny little blue ones, too. I can't stand the icicles or multi-colored big bulbs, so know I shopped for weeks trying to find these things. They're up and on the deck, which is something I haven't done in years, because it's not so much the celebration of Christmas as it is of global warming.

12:14 PM

back to back cat posts

I still use a water bottle when Al-Ḥalīm Netanyahu acts up. It might have been OK for cats to jump on counters in the day of the caveman, but it's considered crossing the line ever since modern man invented the tampon.

It's been a rainy week, but today it's absolutely pouring and isn't letting up. The kitten can't tear himself away from the windows and can't imagine what those plants must have done that was so bad. So very, very bad.

10:57 AM

not your grandmother's dinner

I don't bother cooking dinner for myself on the weekdays. (I get home too late and don't have anyone to do the dishes.) Eating fast food, picked up from a window, makes me feel gross, so, instead, I eat a lot of Trader Joe's fast food, not picked up at a window. That makes me feel somewhat less greasy and much more vegan, even when I'm eating smoked salmon. Also, most of their fast food says "organic" on the label, which makes the Nomadic Waste Management Specialist/Homeless Guy who takes my recyclables think I'm really healthy. (Why wouldn't I care what he thinks about me?)



See the carrots? My, how healthy. And that? That, kind sir, is cat food. Seriously, the picture above is cat food and it looks better than what I tried to cook for myself last Sunday. I'm used to wet cat food looking more like this:



No, this is 2009 and this is what cat food looks like:



Maybe I should add that this is what cat food looks like when it's $1.99 per can. Normally, I would never spend that kind of money on cat food. Technically I didn't, because Centinela had a buy-one-get-one-free sale. Yes, they have those a lot, which is part of the love. The Natural Balance LID and Merrick that Al-Ḥalīm Netanyahu usually eats costs a lot less, but it's Christmas and I don't have the heart to tell him he's not getting that new cat tree he's been highlighting in all of those catalogs he conveniently leaves around the house.

I know. I can't believe I'm that lady, either.

2:47 PM

not to invite further comparisons, but...

I've been moisturizing with raw shea butter for about two months now and my face is as soft as a baby's ass. You'll have to trust me, as the Internet has yet to satisfy my need to share texture, but it's really soft. Really.

2:19 PM

world AIDS day

I don't care who (or where) you are, everyone can find a few free hours.

11:53 AM

people might think i'm a spinster,

but I'm just a neat freak:

3:43 PM