foster cat

She's a kitten who had kittens. She was picked up off the streets, so I'll withhold judgment, because I don't know what she had to do in order to survive. Her teeny little body takes up half the space of The Kitten's, but her nipples are gigantic. They are super saggy and are bigger than her teeny kitten feet. If that's not going to convince you to avoid teenage pregnancy, I don't know what will.

5:17 PM

reflecting

Twenty years ago, I thought my boobs would be bigger by now.

11:59 PM

how hard can it be?

The Kitten has the energy of twelve goats (two of which are meth addicts). He's eleven months old and I was hoping he'd have calmed down a bit by now.

He hasn't.

Everyone has given me the same advise: get another cat. I really don't want another cat, I just want The Kitten to stop climbing my palm trees, jumping on the counters, opening cabinets and shredding all of the toilet paper, as well as staying out of my desk and not eating any more of my tax returns. I used a ponytail holder to kind of hold the hardware together, thinking he wouldn't be able to figure out how to get past that fancy setup. And, mind you, I looped it from the top left to the bottom right, because I have the long, north-south hardware.

It didn't work.

I now use a very long piece of packing tape, sticky side out, to make sure the north-south doors stay shut. He hasn't yet figured out how to open pull-out drawers with east-west hardware, but that's next, I'm sure. This adds time to my mornings, because I can't access anything I need without a pair of scissors and have to tape them back up before I leave the house. I was in a rush and forgot to re-tape a few days ago, which resulted in a TP confetti party to celebrate my return.

So, I caved.

I got another cat. Well, kind of. I decided to become a foster caretaker and now have an 8-12 month old female in my washroom. She's super affectionate and outgoing, but I have to slowly introduce her to my psycho male in order to avoid any R rated torture scenes. It took a few days for them to start talking to each other and playing footsie under the door, so this morning I cracked the door a bit while I was in the washroom to see if anyone would take the opportunity to become aggressive. The Kitten and Foster Cat went nose to nose, but there was no tongue. This weekend will be the first actual, physical meeting, albeit through a carrier and not in The Kitten's bedroom, which is still sacred territory. Hopefully they won't realize they're both tops and Foster Cat will eventually live a life outside of my washroom, which would include a proper litter box closet and bring an end to the looming threat of bath time.

2:40 PM

floored

There was a discussion regarding the amount of appropriate touching and physical distance between a married woman and a single man. In my defense of the married woman, I mentioned that I, too, am guilty of getting touchy-feely with my gay friends, as there's no sexual consequence to any overtly grabby action.

Her: He's not gay, he's bi.

Me: He told you that?

Her: No, but it's obvious.

Me: You jump to bi rather than going straight to gay?

Her: He's not gay!

Me: Why would you assume he's bi?

Her: Uhm, hello? It's obvious!

Me: That he's bi?? And not gay??

Her: You are so stupid.

OK, I added the stupid dialogue, but I was trying to interpret her facial expression. She equates "gay" with "cancer," so I find it astonishing that she's comfortable with "bi." It would appear that she has logged enough reality TV time to accept bisexuality as "normal" or common, but gay is still taboo, not unlike f*cking zebras at the San Diego Zoo (before closing).

Me: What makes him so obviously bi?

Her: COME ON!

Me: I mean, what makes you so sure he likes girls? You've never seen him date girls.

Her: This is the dumbest conversation I've ever had. He's a man!

Me: Who dates men.

Her: AND girls!

Me: I'm going to need proof.

Her: He's a man!

Me: Do you know that women can vote and men can wear utilikilts?

I think that's when she flipped me off. Well, facially. I was facially violated. Let me just say, for the record, that the man in question is certainly gay. He sent me a Christmas card in which he and his boyfriend both wore argyle sweaters and held a small, white dog. Nothing says "gay" quite like a Maltese and matching sweaters.

2:54 PM

standout spam

"Alcoholic? Dont despair - ViaGrow will have you fully energized and pumping that [meat puppet] in a flash....."

12:31 PM

accents

There's a girl from Jalisco (xaˈlisko) who says she lives in "Johr-ba-leeeendah." That's Yorba Linda to you and me. Yesterday, she sent me an e-mail regarding a package delivery and (making it super agreeable?) threw in a "jajajajaja!"

"I know what happen was that we got so many packages today and [Stupid White Man] used our system and I guess he got a little be confused with the senders any ways you need to forgive him because his your boyfriend...........jajajajaja"

I love her.

11:12 AM

fanciness

This photo was taken from a very safe/wussy distance and from inside my car. Cell phones have come a long way, but not far enough (i.e. no telephoto lens):



The shirt is a white, button-up, frilly-in-the-front type short-sleeve shirt. The shorts are high-waisted khakis, decorated with a big, black belt. Then there are the socks. Oh, the socks. She is wearing LONG socks and black heels. I couldn't stop staring, so it's a good thing it took her five minutes to get her kid into the back seat. Oh, the socks!

5:04 PM

dog post 1, cat posts 109

Chase is the sweetest dog you'll ever meet. He's a mixed-mixity-mix, but I'm sure there's some German Sheppard and Pit in there somewhere. A rescue group pulled him from the shelter and he's now living in a boarding facility until he can find a permanent or foster home. I walk him in the mornings and, after being smothered in kisses, we're off:



Did I mention he's got three legs? He has three legs, but walking him is like sprint training. After five minutes, I have to slow us down to a jog or my heart might explode. If you know someone who is looking for a sweetheart of a dog that has lots of energy and loves nothing more than to roll around in the grass and lick your face, please have them check out his web page. He's adorable!

4:09 PM

not in my right mind

A friend and I started the Insanity workout a week ago today. I am not a fan of workout DVDs or any type of do-it-at-home workout. I love kickboxing, but can't stand that Olivia Newton John-no-bags-punch-the-air-jazzercise type class posing as kickboxing, which seems to cover 70% of the DVD market. I only said I'd do this Insanity thing because I've been slacking and have a race the first week of April. It's supposed to be pure cardio, so it couldn't hurt.

It hurts. I like to think I'm in pretty decent shape, but the first 45 minute workout almost killed me. This week, I've been walking around more aware of my abs and thighs than ever. I can feel nucleotides. We replaced the cardio recovery day with P90X Kenpo, because even punching the air is better than yoga, which is what they should call it. We also added Ab Ripper X to the end of our workout, but I couldn't tell you why.

I hope this pays off.

3:18 PM

i might need that back

I donated blood and, as it turns out, 7 minutes (for a pint?) kind of makes me a rock star. It was nice to get in and out, but, driving away, I started wondering... does this mean I could bleed out in record time? Please donate so that, if pumas or rabid hedgehogs attack, my life might be saved.

9:18 AM

nice, with a bitter aftertaste

Google has pushed back the cut-off date and will support ftp publishing until 5/1/10. Thanks, because I was going to be down for a while.

I mean, what would my reader have done?

5:03 PM

micromarketing

For the active Nazi.

10:55 AM